Tag Archives: babies

Sometimes life just isn’t fair…

30 Aug

So the last few weeks in the DeWitt household have been a crazy one. As we all know Steve was looking for a new job and there was a definite possibility that we would end up in Colorado. I was excited about that possibility. So on my 29th birthday, August 2, Steve flew to Colorado to meet with a company. I spent they day with my parents celebrating as Steve and I were going to celebrate together on the third.

Perhaps now is the time to share that Steve and I have been trying to get pregnant for the past few months. When I left Assurant and Steve and I got married in February we had a long talk about what I wanted to do job wise and how that would affect us trying to start a family. We decided that I would look for part-time work once we moved to Lawrence in March and we would see what happened on the baby front. I felt a silly basically being a housewife at 28 without children but I embraced my role and unpacked our house, cleaned..a lot, did laundry and all those other housewifery things.

So back to my birthday. Steve got home that night and I told him my monthly visitor still hadn’t arrived but I didn’t want to get my hopes up because a week before that I had some spotting and so I really really thought it wasn’t going to happen this month. So we went home, had some wine(judge away), and went to bed excited to spend the next day celebrating my birthday because who doesn’t love multi-day birthday celebrations? The next morning at 7:30(seriously, who calls that early?!) the phone rings and it’s for Steve so I decide to just go pee on the stick and accept that I wasn’t pregnant that month. So I get back in bed and lay there waiting. Steve has fallen back asleep because he can sleep through a tornado. So I wait the three minutes and turn it over. What do I see? 2 pink lines. Wait what…there are 2..2!? 2….pink lines. I literally bolt up in bed and very calmly…ok who am I kidding, I practically scream Steve’s name. He groggily wakes up as I am frantically searching for the preggo test paper that will assure me that I am reading this incorrectly. I hand the test to Steve who half awake asks me if I’m pregnant. I say yes. Naturally I have to do this again because one test isn’t enough to confirm that I’m knocked up. Sure enough, 2 more pink lines appear on the test. That also wasn’t going to be enough for me so I called my doctor and asked for a blood test. My dear husband thought this was a waste of time because it was obvious to him I was pregnant.

The next day I receive the call from the doctor that I am indeed pregnant. Steve and I are both overjoyed. It was at that point that Steve decided he would take the job here and would not move to Colorado. The next few weeks were so exciting for us. We start telling our families and close close friends. I wanted to tell people in person. I made a video of telling my parents and my grandma that we were pregnant because I wanted to show our baby someday how excited everyone was. I dove head first into baby research and buying books. I obsess over everything and at night I watched my husband talk to the little thing that is growing inside me and felt that life had never been better.

Steve started his new job and a week later he went to Washington for work. I was sad he was going because the pregnancy was still so new that I didn’t want him to miss out on my super hormonal moments that I knew he would always cherish. HA. Wednesday night I’m having dinner with my newly preggo friend and I start spotting. I don’t worry too much as my research had told me that it wasn’t that big of deal. I calmly tell Steve what is happening and we both agreed not to worry too much. I wake up the next morning and needless to say it was a different story. We were no longer in the spotting category. I called my doctor and they couldn’t see me until that afternoon. I called my parents and let them know what is going on. They offer to go with me to the doctor because obviously my husband is halfway across the country. I declined and set off to the doctor’s office 2 and a half hours before my appointment on the off chance they could get me in sooner. They couldn’t so I sat there with all the rest of the pregnant people including the dumb 16 year olds that looked like they should still be in elementary school. My name is finally called and go back. At that point the baby was fine. I got to see the heartbeat and our baby that was the size of a grain of rice.  It was an amazing 20 minutes. They told me to take it easy and try not to worry. Yeah, we all know about me and worry. They wanted to see me back the next friday. So my husband gets home on Friday and I feel so much better that he’s home. We spent the weekend relaxing and trying to stay upbeat and positive.

Sunday rolls around I knew something was different. I knew I wasn’t pregnant anymore. I slapped a smile on my face and tried to be positive. It all happens for a reason, it wasn’t the right time, etc. etc. I called the doctor monday morning and that afternoon we went for another sonogram. It is confirmed that I am indeed no longer pregnant. I knew I wasn’t but it still didn’t make it easier to see the disappointment on my husbands face and know that I was unsuccessful at something that my body was meant to do.

The next few days were not fun. I spent my time cleaning and organizing everything in our house because that’s how I deal with the stress and being upset. You also have to undo all the pregnancy things. Not only did we have to tell family and friends about it, which leads to questions you just don’t feel like answering to unsubscribing to the e-mails about pregnancy and deleting the videos you made, throwing away the sonogram picture and the pregnancy tests. The thing I found most comforting was all the texts and FB messages. It was overwhelming to feel the love and support but also to know that it happened to SO many people. I know that it’s normal and it doesn’t mean I can’t and wont have a successful pregnancy or a healthy baby. It’s also a great sign that I got pregnant, as my friend who tried for YEARS to get pregnant and finally was successful using IVF, reminded me. 

The question that I struggle with now is when is the right time to begin again? My husband, bless his heart, has always known he wanted children whereas I came to that realization later in life after a bad and unhealthy first marriage. The answer is I don’t know. I just don’t know. I want to make my husband happy and have the family that we both want. I also want to be ready.What does ready feel like? Does one ever feel ready? I don’t have the answers and I don’t know when I will have the answers. I wish there was a clock that told you it was your turn. Wouldn’t that be nice? In lieu of the clock I’m taking it a day at a time when it happens, it will happen and it will be the right time and we will have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby DeWitt to make our family 3 instead of 2.